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Everyone wants a calm child whose life is full of less-stress; Pagans as well.  This is a hard thing to do in today’s world of technology and instant gratification.  This mini-series of posts is written in hopes of adding a calm over your child and your home.

Stress for the child can seem like a non-ending thing.  Situations throughout the day pop up on a regular basis and with each unique one a new level of stress shows its face.    These are times where it is most important that we, as parents, shine in relaxing techniques.  Remember that a happy child is the one that is taught how to relieve stress from their lives.

• Injuries – this is where the most stress seems to happen because it is both physical and mental.  We will address each angle one at a time.  The physical aspect will need to be addressed first.  It is best to use the same routine each time this situation comes up so the child will assume that this is how they need to remedy the situation in the future.  Too many times kids are greeted with your own stresses which teaches them to fell stress in the situation.  For the infant a quick hug then distraction will work best. For instance a hug then watching the water come out of the tap and placing fingers under it works great.  For the older child reality might be the best bet.  A calm talk about the initial pain then describing how it happened and what they need to do now works well.
• Cleaning – There are so many times throughout the day that cleaning is needed.  Adding something soothing to your routine will not only brings down the stress level of the task but also allows both you and your child to bond.  Some things you could try is adding song while you work, taking a silent moment or two with a small verse before and after cleaning, or simply taking small stops to have a one- or two-minute meditation.  When you are cleaning be sure to have your child accompany you.  Even the youngest of children can sit in the car seat while watching you clean.  All children can join in on the soothing techniques you’ve chosen, and they can learn to incorporate this in their own cleaning.  Working together as a family keeps a bond like no other.  It is worthwhile to mention that while cleaning up their own space it is good for you to participate as well, this doesn’t mean that you clean it for them, just simply aid them in relaxing while they are doing it.  This cam be achieved by you taking this time for stories, you read the story and they listen while cleaning.  You don’t have to do this every time they need to clean but when it is a lot and/or seems overwhelming to the child.
•  Transitions – There are many times, especially in the younger child’s life, that you need them to just move on from one activity to another.  This can mean anything from giving up a certain toy,  to computer time being over.  Making this time smooth will help calm your child down.  This can be accomplished by giving them a heads up that the time is coming in a clam relaxing way.  Reciting a certain poem, singing or listening to the same song, or turn on some running water for a certain amount of time lets them know the ‘ending time’ is coming before they must face it.  It might take awhile for your child to understand what is going on but even the youngest child will make the connection and prepare themselves for the change before you must enforce it.
• Mealtimes – Eating is something that really needs planning before and a long release afterwards.  The hearth, being the center of the home, is a great place to involve all when preparing and cleaning up after meals, this also includes your youngster.  Infants can watch while you glide through the procedures but as they get a little older, they can participate by doing small tasks.  If cooking or clean up afterwards proves to be stressful to your child, you can add soothing procedures during it like adding music or verse (child nursery rhymes are a favorite).
• Active Play – It is rather difficult to think of ways to self-soothe or calm a child after strenuous activity.  The truth is you need to start de-stressing before the activity as well as after.  It is suggested that you use the same activity each time although as they age you can build on it.  After introducing the activity before playing humming is always a favorite.  As for afterwards, you could use meditation for the older child and some small relaxing activity like touching fingertips and rubbing in a circular motion for the younger child. If during active play you notice things are getting overwhelming for your child simply stop and teach them how to handle this themselves.  This is important especially for the school-ages child in that you may not always be there when they reach this point.  For self-soothing ideas you could use closing eyes for a count of 10 backwards being whispered slowly or wiggling toes or fingers in a slow motion.  Anything that will allow them to slow down and relax will work. 

Situations are going to come up throughout your day that will stress out your child.  That stress can make things compress which is not the ideal situation.  With a few changes in your day your child and even you can relax and enjoy life, which is the goal of everyone.  If you have things to add to the situations above, simply add them in comments for others to enjoy and try.  Happy relaxing; one small step at a time.

Everyone wants a calm child whose life is not full of stress; Pagans as well.  This is a hard thing to do in today’s world of technology and instant gratification.  This mini-series of posts is written in the hope of adding a calmness over your child’s life and your home as well.

On a regular basis we may count down the time until our child’s bedtime happens.  This, to most parents, signifies a special time for us; the wind down.  We put our children to bed then get that cup of tea and relax.  This helps us prepare ourselves to ease into our own night routine which results in us getting a pretty good night’s sleep.  On an opposite note we are sure to wake up earlier than the family so we can, again, have this well-needed time to aid in a smooth day for ourselves. 

When it comes to our kids a similar routine could help calm them down.  A relaxed child will face the day differently and in better spirits than a stressed one.  If our children are calm the whole family life will be the same.  This is true for children from infant to school aged.  This may seem like a little far-fetched; however, I would like to challenge you to try the following pointers in your own home for at least a week and see if the difference is a positive one. 

• Morning routines should allow your child a little more time to slide into the day in a slower pace.  In order to do this, try the following:
  • Wake your child at least 10 minutes earlier than normal and take care of just changing the diaper or allowing them to go to the bathroom.
  • For independent infants (those that crawl and sit) put some toys into their bed with some dim light and quiet or low calming music playing. For toddlers that are out of the crib set up a corner that they can only access in the morning with low music and light and their favorite calming toys (books, blocks, etc…).  School age children should be given a small box or container with different quiet non-electric toys in them to play with before they do their usual routine.  Shutting the door, giving them private time, is a great idea too.  When time is over open door without saying anything and allow them to come out on their own with you pleasantly greeting them.
  • Make breakfast time as pleasant as possible by not arguing or talking in anyway negative or stressed yourself.
  • After eating get your child dressed and go about your normal routine because by this time they should have peacefully woken up. 
• Evening routines should allow you and your child to calm down from the day together.  This will not only make their end of the day routine more peaceful but will allow them to learn from you the proper ways to do it.
  • Prepare for the next day by laying out clothes together.  Infants can be carried or walked into the room and learn to grab the things you have chosen and putting them in a certain spot.  Toddlers can choose between 2 or 3 choices as to what to be laid out.  The school age child can pick it out themselves and lay it out at a designated spot.
  • Next the room is prepared for bed time.  This means that the lights are adjusted, turned off, and/or night lights are turned on.  Infants can have their night toys wound up, older kids can turn back their bed and place their favorite stuffed animal by the pillow.
  • You and your child leave to a different area to calm down from the day together.  Pick a place that will allow this procedure to happen for both you and your child.  Some idea places are the porch, the living room, your bedroom.  Do not go to an area that needs cleaning; that will only stress you out.  Their bedroom will do the same thing to children. 
  • Spend some time with a night activity.  It needs to be slow and as quiet as possible.  The young toddler will need to be held as they do their activity, the independent infant and toddler will need to sit on your lap, the school-aged child would prefer to just sit close to you. 
  • End of the day silent activities will vary depending on you and your child’s preferences.  Bad choices are things electronic, anything that must be done by child or parent only, noisy activities.  Some good activity ideas might be; looking at the night sky, touching fingertips for infants, slowly rocking from side-to-side, making shadow animals against the wall.  You will need to rotate activities or do different one’s every two or three days, so the child doesn’t loose interest in them.  On the same note you do not want to stimulate them too much because they won’t calm down.
  • Together go to the child’s room and help them get into bed, still in silence.  You can tuck them in and offer a kiss and ‘I love you’ or whatever you decide your routine is.  You then leave the room and allow them to finish their own night routine.  At first you might have a little trouble with them staying in bed, simply take them back and put them in bed.  If they continue, then you continue, eventually they will stop once they learn that you won’t stop and that you stay calm about it.  Coddling and allowing them to get drinks and other attention delaying activities needs to be ignored.

Feel free to add to the routines that are listed above because the bare bones only are addressed here.  Just remember that before bed and first thing in the morning are the most important routines of the day.  It is important that you don’t confuse or add speed to them because that is when the family becomes stressed.

If possible, add family members in the mix by allowing responsible siblings or your significant other to take turns handling the routine also.  Remember routines usually take a while to become smooth, but once they do you will see that you and your kid both are benefiting from it.

Look for more ways to make small adjustments to your regular day to help raise a calm child.  Have more to add to the morning or evening routines that you feel are important, feel free to add them in remarks to help other families.